Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
