That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
