i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
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Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
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I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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