is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
