did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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