just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
