Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
