remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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