Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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