Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
