My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
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MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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