we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
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You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
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You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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