You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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