I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
