is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I look better un-naked...
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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