Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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