didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
im on a boat
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