I just pynch a tree in the face
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
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