go do what you do best...puke behind churches
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I need a burrito and a hug.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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