I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
