Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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