I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
