my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Randomize
