Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I am one with the molecules
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
