Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
