so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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