She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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