So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
