guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
