Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I just want nice things and good sex
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
