We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
