you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
