I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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