Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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