My sheets look like a crime scene.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
