I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
