Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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