i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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