If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
