Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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