Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
