i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
