im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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