considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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