Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
