Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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