I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
