thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
