I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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