I have demons in me.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
