I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
