Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
