Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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