Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
whose ass print is on the piano?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
