I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
