3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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