he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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