i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
