i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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