I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
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What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm getting married
To pizza
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
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I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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