a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
