His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
