What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
