there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
