I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
My penis needs a shock collar
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
