I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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