Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
