Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
