dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
