No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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